Ok, I’m going to be super transparent here, I just had my heart broken. Yes. ME! With all of the irony of my book coming out two weeks ago, a man I was deeply in love with on and off for several years told me he didn’t want to go any further in our relationship. The tires on my heart screeched to a stop. I was in shock. I did NOT see this coming.
It has been a week of taking my own medicine. A few close friends I confided in told me, “Go read your book.” Even when on the phone with him I said, “Well, I have my book.” Yes, didn’t I write the book on getting over ANY man?
Yes I did, but it still hurt. Looking life in the face like, “WTF yo?!! I have to go through this again!” That was the resistance. I did not want to feel the pain, the grief. I briefly fell back into my pattern of wanting to be “perfect.” But not this time, there was no hiding, my heart was split open.
I had a chance to process with a very special goddess who let me spill out my feelings, and told me that, “It’s ok to grieve.” She helped me give myself permission to feel what I feel and be gentle with myself. Then the monsoon came. The tears, the confusion, the pain and hurt.
Knowing the steps to getting happy and healed doesn’t mean you become immune to heartbreak. It means that you have a lifeline, something to hold onto when life knocks the wind out of your chest. Because it will, we are always being called to grow.
Healing and grieving is a process. No need to skip the steps. So I allowed myself to feel and cry. I’m always reaching for the lesson, no matter how painful, so I thought I’d share what I’ve been doing this past week during my healing.
5 Ways to Let Go Someone You Love
1. Give yourself permission to grieve. Gosh heartbreak hurts! Guess I had to be reminded as I also guide. Don’t try to hold the tears and pain back. Cry it out, welcome the release. To be in touch with the power of the feminine means being in touch with your joy and sorrow. To release like children do, wide snotty nose cries. Children scream at the top of their lungs, flail their arms with loud hot tears. They don’t give a f*ck where they are or who’s watching. They get it out and then it’s done! Five minutes later they are running and playing again and asking, “Can I have some ice cream?”
Too often we hold back and the grief gets stuck in our bodies, most often our wombs. This leads to disease of the physical and spiritual bodies. I am giving myself permission to grieve and release so the energy does not become calcified as fibroids or a stagnant and painful menses. Grieving will do your body, heart, and soul good.
2. Love yourself more. Love yourself through your tears. Love that your heart is so beautiful that it could be open to connecting and loving another human being. You have allowed yourself to feel LOVE, the most amazing emotion ever! There are those who’ve never felt love, never allowed themselves to feel open. That is not you. Appreciate your beautiful open loving heart, there will come along someone one day who appreciates it too.
Know that someone choosing not to love you does not make you unlovable. Never allow someone else’s opinion of you to determine your self worth! You love you FIRST. I have been telling myself how much I love me over and over again this past week. I’m turning up on the self-love because I am worthy of my own love first.
3. Resist the temptation to make the other person wrong. Oooooh this one can be hard I know! Anger can at times feel better than sadness and at times, it is definitely necessary, but being bitter is not. You can acknowledge what hurts without making the other person “bad” and “wrong”. Trust that everyone is doing the best they can with the information they know.
If I shift all my focus on “him” being wrong for what he did to me, how can I take responsibility for my healing? My healing or my inner peace then becomes contingent upon him. Any “wrongs” done allow the Universe to sort that out through karma. Don’t keep telling a story in which you are a helpless victim. Focus on your healing. Leave who is right or wrong for universal law to work out.
4. Realize that they are out of alignment with you. Letting go someone we love can be hard because love is a bonding emotion. When you have a strong bond with someone, the natural desire is to go toward them, and not away. Our love for them seeks to pull them toward us. When we let go, we actually feel the painful death of the bond breaking, which at times feels too hard to bear.
What is helping me to let go is to realize that this person and I are out of alignment. We both desire two different things. If what we wanted was a match, then we would be in a happy relationship. There must be things that we both desire that are not in alignment with one another. Life wants to satisfy both of you and we all deserve to have something or someone that completely satisfies us. Recognize the mismatch and let it go.
5. Focus on what you desire in a relationship. When your thoughts start to shift to the pain of the loss remember, don’t focus on the loss of the relationship, but the gaining of a new and better relationship! When someone who is not for you leaves your life, they have in fact made space for a better more improved relationship to come into your life. They must leave in order for that person to arrive.
Think, dream, and fantasize about what you want to experience in your next relationship. Focus on manifesting someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Get very clear on what you want that the previous person lacked.
Make a list from all the data you’ve collected from all your previous partners. You know what you do want and what you don’t want. Get excited about this new person you’re attracting! Something soooo much better is coming your way, I promise you (and me).
Whenever a man has had to leave my life, someone more in alignment with me always comes my way. It keeps getting better and better so I am so excited for what’s coming next!
If you’d like more guidance on your healing journey, I invite you to check out my book, Happy and Healed Five Steps to Getting Over ANY Man and Finding the Love You Deserve.
Also, this is the last chance to get in on my Happy and Healed Love Camp! A special group of women and I will embark on a 6 week journey to heal our hearts together. We start this week!
Get more info here: HAPPY AND HEALED LOVE CAMP
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